Turning 50

  Today I turned 50, and to be honest I am not sure how I feel about it. Turning 30, so far, has been my hardest milestone birthday. There was just something about not being in my 20s anymore was harder than I thought it would be. Turning 40 was tricky, but it just felt like a number. Turning 50 was somewhere in between the two events. I know turning 30 was about not being young any more, but when I turned 40 it did feel as pressing. Now I am 50 I do feel some pressure about where my life is right and where it is going in the next couple of decades as I move into a new phase of my life. So I guess it is less about the actual age, but more about the uncertainty of what the next phase of my life will look like. I am at the point in my like where some successful people have already retired, or least in a position to where they know what the backside of their life looks like. Of course there are a lot of people that are my age, and don't feel comfortable about their future, so I am not exactly special when it comes to those kind of questions. I just wish I had a better sense of what is coming next. There is that question: where do see yourself in the next x number of years, and I have never been good at answering those kind of questions. I am usually doing good to have a sense of where I am in the moment, much less what the future looks like. I guess today more than other days there is a sense of "Well now what ?". The good news is I do enjoy most aspects of my life and I think I am going to have a good 50th birthday. My life is not a failure, and I must press forward and make the most of my future opportunities. I just have to realize that I can make changes for the good that will effect the rest of my life. Together with my wife, Dabney, we will continue to work to make not only our own lives better, but also help our friends and family when we can. That having someone that you can depend on can get you through the tough times. So today is a day to celebrate the future, and not to dread it. With the help of friends and family I will enter the next phase of my life. Thanks to everyone, and together we will make things happen.