Project Glen

Occasionally I have a problem insomnia when I simply can't sleep. I am having that problem now. Often at these times I will lay in bed and think about things, I have good ideas, but usually they fade and disappear like a dream the next day. However this time I do not want to let this idea go, so here I am.

To borrow a phrase from the 12 steppers, my name is Glen and I am addicted to food. There I said it and it is out there. I am not a big drinker, I don't do drugs or smoke, but boy do I love food. I think I would rather eat than do just about anything. Greasy, fried, sweet, salty there is not much I do not like. I hear people that are dealing with addiction and they way they talk about it is the way I feel about food. I think about it all the time. How can I make recipe better, what if I added this or that, or wouldn't be good to have some of ________. Now that I have said that I need to move on to the phase of this project and that is change the bad habit. Unlike some addictions I simply can not stop eating, but I want to stop the destructive nature and bad habits that got me where I am today.

Today is Monday October 25, 2010. In a little under two weeks on November 6 I will turn 45. By the time I turn 46 the following November 6 I want to be a different person. Before I met my wife Dabney I just didn't care about certain things, and even though I had lost and gained weight plenty of times in past I had been in a bad cycle that I could not break out of. Being with Dabney has made me a much happier person, and because of the that I am ready to move on and make other changes in my life. Over the course of the next year I want to lose 120 pounds, which breaks down to 10 pounds a month or even further 2 1/2 pounds a week. I am giving myself a week to prepare myself and want to begin the adventure on the first of November. I feel like I am stuck in a rut and there are changes that I want to make in my life and while I am not sure what direction I want my life to go I do know that I want to change the way I look. If I can change that for the better, what else can I do. It is something that I can not postpone any longer. I am not trying to live forever, I want just want to live a longer and healthier life.

I am not going to let this addiction beat me, and like most addictions it will be something I will have to deal with the rest of my life, but I can't just give up because it is hard. I have to change my approach to food. People like me seek solace in food, eat when you are happy, sad, bored, or whatever reason you can think of. To make it worse you feel bad about being overweight and you comfort yourself by eating more. It is the nastiest of vicious circles and one that is very hard to break out of.

I am not sure who will read this but somebody will and I just want to put this out there if for no other reason that to acknowledge this to myself. There will be good days and bad, triumphs and defeats but in the end if I stick with this I will be a better person for it. I will be begin Project Glen this week but right now I am going to try to go back to bed.